002; elevator of forced honesty

[memefox]

elevator of forced honesty

» POST: a top level for your character(s) » RESPOND: to other characters ICly. your characters are now trapped in an elevator together. » UH OH: neither character can lie. » ADDITIONAL, OPTIONAL COMPLICATIONS: at player discretion characters may also... a. be unable to remain silent when asked questions b. be unable to speak around the truth when answering c. be compelled to reveal truths/secrets unprompted THE POWER OF THE ELEVATOR COMPELS YOU.

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[dothelokimotion]

No one is. I shattered my own family. There isn't a part of myself I haven't drawn blood from the edge.

[ He crosses his arms, his fingers curled tightly over his elbows. ]

I rather you knew me and my love when it was kind. When it could be laughed and enjoyed. Before the poison.

[spellslots]

[Carefully, he reaches out to tap his fingers lightly against Loki's knuckles, an unspoken suggestion to untense.]

I don't think it works that way, you know? It sucks that you're hurting, but this- the way that you are, that's who I'm friends with.

[His voice is gentle, the same soft tone he used when Magnus was deciding whether to give up his quest for revenge, when Lup was hurting over the destruction the relics caused. Taako has it in him to be kind, with the people he cares about.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki shakes his head, but he unwinds like a string, with gentle fingers tugging at the knots. His breath feels stuttered, halting and weak. As far as thoughts go, this is not dark. It does not reek of the low self-esteem and emptiness that Loki carries. ]

I will not be this way forever. Eventually, the madness will catch up to me.

[spellslots]

[The way Loki is with physical affection is something that Taako thinks they share; easy, casual touches are a way to fool people into believing that they're being offered some closeness, but actual genuine affection comes less easily.

Still, when those knots unravel, Taako loosely tangles his fingers with Loki's, a familiar gesture to him, something he's done with Lup a thousand times, but he thinks it might offer something anchoring for Loki.]

They say that about liches, but I know Lup's always gonna remember herself. Maybe you can, too.

[dothelokimotion]

[ Hope. Loki bites his tongue to stop the mockery from spilling forward because he knows what Taako is trying to accomplish. He breathes out, trying to get his feelings in order. Loki can tread the fine line between truth and lie. He knows them well, after all. ]

Maybe.

[spellslots]

What are you not saying?

[He can be good at this too, finding the place between the truth and a more comforting lie, especially where Lup was concerned. Taako was always the pragmatic one, and sometimes that meant protecting Lup from the truth, letting her think the world was kinder than it is.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ He shakes his head, squeezing Taako's hand lightly. ]

It is a feeling. I do not think I have that much time for change.

[spellslots]

[He wants to argue it, but truths are different for different people and he's not sure there's anything he can say to convince Loki that maybe he has a chance.]

Then I'm glad I got to know you, before then. I'm not-- [I don't love you feels too raw, even if it's the truth, even if it's just meant between friends. He doesn't love that easily.] I'll miss you.

[Whether Loki loses himself first or Taako leaves, to where he has to be.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki smiles, his expression tinged with a bittersweetness. His first ever friend. ]

It is enough to know I can be missed.

[ All of Asgard's mourning would not compare. ]

[spellslots]

[Taako raises their joined hands to press a light kiss to Loki's knuckles, an echo of a gesture that Loki has done to him a handful of times.]

I'm sorry you didn't have what I did, with, you know, siblings. Lup always made me less shitty.

[Maybe if Thor had been there for Loki, in the same way Lup was for him, things could've been different.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ As it always when it comes to Thor, Loki can't fully hide his anger and frustration. It clenches like a vise around his heart. He exhales, letting it seep through like water. Anger is no longer Loki's driving force. ]

I loved Thor. More than anyone in this world and the next. But he will never understand me and his love cannot save me. Sometimes he is hard to look at because he reminds me so much of — of what was my truth. My life.

But I cannot go home and I'm tired of being reminded of that.

[spellslots]

[He isn't sure if he believes that, he knows Loki must, but as sappy as it is, Taako thinks love could save anyone, even if the situation is difficult and different.]

Is he expecting you to go back with him, or does he know you can't?

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki doesn't want to talk about his death. In his heart, he knew he wasn't meant to survive. That his words to Thor were final and wrenched from his heart. I didn't do it for him. Loki's final legacy, parted from his father. Surviving the ruin of Svartalfheim had not been part of the plan. He's not even sure why he went back to Asgard. To rub it into Odin's face? To play one last card?

He'll fail. He always does. Four years has come by and left him in a state of apathy. There's no joy in anything. Living feeds the dust. ]

I think he knows in his heart that it is over. There's no coming back.

[spellslots]

I'm sorry, bubbale.

[It's a situation that Taako knows he'll never really understand, the complications of Asgard and the monster Loki thinks he is, whatever betrayals they've done to each other.]

Is there-- Can I help?

[He isn't hopeful, on this point, but he wants to ask regardless.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ His lips twitch at that. ]

I do not think there is much that can be done about it now. But I appreciate the offer.

[spellslots]

[Taako gives Loki's hand one last squeeze, then lets go, stepping back to give him a little more room.]

C'mon, I'm the greatest... fuck. Fucking Lucretia. Can't even say I'm the greatest wizard in Fearun.

[Stupid truth bullshit.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki smiles faintly. ]

I do not think magic can solve this.

[spellslots]

I'm gonna need someone to rework this compulsion bullshit so that I can at least make jokes to cover up having emotions.

[Aww come on.]

[dothelokimotion]

Sentiment is . . . difficult. But I suppose it is better than the alternate.

[spellslots]

I dunno about that, wasn't so bad when everyone was dust.

[Hey this is bad again he wants off this ride.]

[dothelokimotion]

I rather have the chance to speak than to know I missed it fully. Like I had with my mother.

[spellslots]

[Oh, fuck. His expression immediately softens.]

I get that. And, fuck, I'm sorry. I know it doesn't mean shit, but I'm sorry.

[dothelokimotion]

[ He shakes his head. ]

I never told her. I could not go to her funeral. I'll never enter the halls of Valhalla where she rests.

[ Loki lets out a sharp bark of laughter, drenched in bitterness. ]

There were tears in her eyes. I see them so clearly. And I think to myself, I put that there. No one else could have done that but me.

[spellslots]

Hey, c'mon, you can't-- Don't beat yourself up for that shit.

[Taako had no relationship with his parents, and while he loved his aunt for the brief stint they stayed with her, it was still brief. He doesn't really know what it's like to be someone's child.]

I bet she knew you loved her. Pretty sure that's how parents work, right?

[dothelokimotion]

Perhaps. I suppose we will never fully know.

[ Loki's trust in his parents has all but shattered on the rocks. ]