( he almost died for teddy, twice. almost killed someone for him. would take a bullet for teddy in a heartbeat if he needed it. this isn't an attempt to hurt him. this is an attempt to keep teddy from getting even more hurt, from billy leading him on, making him think that their whole--everything would be fine.

how much more would telling teddy have hurt if he waited longer? if he'd held onto teddy's hand and nosed in against him, whispered how much he cares about him, kept him up. )

It wasn't lip service. I'd--I'd never just lie to you, Teddy. ( it comes out as broken as teddy looks, tone shaking just as much as billy's shoulders are. ) I'll come back with you, we just-- ( need to figure out a way to save loki, too, but teddy doesn't want to hear that. )

I do love you. I missed you so much. ( his heart hurts just having this conversation, but there's nothing he can do to fix that. this is a grave billy dug himself into. one he's not going to be able to get out of using magic (ha, could, but that'd be lying, manipulating, and he's not doing that to teddy. teddy deserves better) or his own strength. he gets it, how teddy felt. telling him he had to leave. this must be close, right? ) But I'm not going to--make this worse by lying. I won't forget I saw you, I won't forget this. I don't want to hurt you, please believe me. I'd never want--to hurt you.

( and hurting teddy hurts him. he still has teddy's hand, holds onto it tight, fingers shaking. )

I'm sorry.